How to tell your family that you are gay

Coming out to your parents can be a joyous, empowering experience—but it can also be nerve-wracking and even scary. If you have questions, I want to talk about them and help answer them. I also understand you may want to speak with other parents of trans children to learn more.

Deciding to come out to your parents. There are plenty of resources for parents and families in person and online, and I am happy to show you some of them. These examples are just a guide. Correcting yourself is enough for me to see that you care about and respect who I am.

You are loved. It takes strength and vulnerability to share your truest self with the world, especially with the people who know you the best and can potentially inflict the most damage. I know this might take a little getting used to, but I really appreciate your effort and care.

This guide offers suggestions, examples, and resources to help you find your footing, reflect on your safety, and express yourself authentically. Telling family, friends and colleagues you are gay may not always lead to the response you hope for, but don't let it deter you from being you.

In this article, we’ll explore what to consider when coming out and how to prepare so you can have the most fruitful discussion possible. This means I identify as [insert identity] and use [pronouns]. Specifically, I identify as [insert gender identity here], which means that I [insert either the proper definition of your gender, or the most easily understood explanation for your gender identity that you feel they will understand].

From starting small and choosing the right time and place for the conversation to setting. With some people in your life, telling them you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer will feel casual and easy, while with others the conversation may feel like a game-changer.

I trust you with this information about who I am, and I would like if in return that you start calling me by my chosen name, which is [if applicable, here], and using my pronouns, which are [here]. I plan to [insert aspects of transition you plan to pursue here, such as changes to your clothing, hair, or gender expression.

You deserve to live authentically and safely. I would just like to know that you are trying your best to learn, understand, and support me. Before we share more with you — know this: You are supported. Finding the words to come out can be hard—especially with people who have known you for a long time.

And I know that you may have some slip-ups calling me [Name] or using [pronouns] at first, and that is okay. Note: This article was originally published in March with a focus on young people navigating the process of coming out to their parents or caregivers.

For many people, family relationships hold deep emotions, memories, and expectations, which can make these conversations both meaningful and challenging. If you’re wondering how to come out to homophobic parents, know that you’re not alone, and your desire to live authentically is valid and brave.

Takeaway: Being honest with yourself about your sexuality is one thing, but telling your parents that you're gay is an entirely different story. You matter. If you’re unsure how to tell your parents you’re gay, we can help. There is something I have been carrying inside of myself for some time now, and I now feel ready to come to you with it.

If you do slip-up, you do not have to make a big deal out of it. Share at your own pace, and remember that setting boundaries is healthy. It has since been updated and expanded to speak to the experiences of people of all ages. Before you sit down and have a conversation with them, it's important to do the necessary prep work so you can express yourself confidently and comfortably.

For example, you can decide when or whether to discuss medical transition or other personal details. This page offers ideas for coming out to parents, because this usually feels. Coming out at work can involve additional layers from company policies to workplace culture.

You may also want to read 4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Coming Out to help you reflect on your readiness, safety, and support system before opening up about your identity. I know this may be a bit difficult to understand at first, and it may be very new to you, but it is something I have known for some time.

I am transgender. This letter is a bit difficult for me to write, but I feel that it is important for me to write it.